late night vh1 classic with david, part two.

in case that was unclear - at the end, it was revealed to be malcom mclaren. i so rule. we were then assaulted with foolish heart by debbie gibson. do i really need to say anything else?

WingerMDW74:  oh, HERE we go!
Lovecat713:  oh HELL yeah.
WingerMDW74:  debbie gibson was ALWAYS better than that cheap tramp tiffany.
Lovecat713:  much more wholesome.
Lovecat713:  and she had that hat.
WingerMDW74:  i was just gonna say that!
WingerMDW74:  AND she actually wrote all her own songs!
WingerMDW74:  granted, they aren't good, but what was she? 15?
Lovecat713:  she got a nose job you know.
Lovecat713:  and she goes by DEBORAH now.
WingerMDW74:  no! she didn't have the jennifer grey done, did she?
WingerMDW74:  she'll always be debbie to me.
WingerMDW74:  if i had a cigarette lighter i'd be breakin it out right now.
WingerMDW74:  what's the deal with this guy, anyway? what's he so ticked off about?

we then got twilight zone by swingout sister. really poor choice, vh1 classic.

Lovecat713:  whooaaaaa
Lovecat713:  this is majorly 80s.
WingerMDW74:  swing out sister actually has a greatest hits cd.
Lovecat713:  wow. i didn't even know they had *A* hit.
WingerMDW74:  there was that one song, breakout.
WingerMDW74:  that was pretty much it.
Lovecat713:  ohhh yes. sucked.
WingerMDW74:  this isn't better.
WingerMDW74:  i'm pretty sure huey lewis and the news filmed a video at that same pool.
Lovecat713:  this is really awful.
Lovecat713:  what is she, the karate kid?
WingerMDW74:  well, i think i did see her waxing on.
Lovecat713:  that hair combined with that suit makes her look as though she has a gigantic body and a tiny head.
Lovecat713:  wow. really awful.

next up, a video called stop by someone named sam brown. virtually not worth mentioning.

 Lovecat713:  awright, sam brown! this is what i'm talking about!
Lovecat713:  man, what the fuck. too slow! next!
WingerMDW74:  hehehe. six videos in, and the only one i even remote recognize is debbie gibson.
Lovecat713:  oh yeah, cause you missed mercedes boy.
WingerMDW74:  yes. and who knows what they showed before THAT.
WingerMDW74:  i need to check the listings for when their 'alternative' show comes on.
Lovecat713:  i saw the other night....
Lovecat713:  but then it was likebetween those hours and some other crap was on.
Lovecat713:  it was weird.
Lovecat713:  they had an ad for it.
Lovecat713:  during the time slot.
Lovecat713:  whilst something else was on

late night vh1 classic with david, part one.

note: i'd have made this all one entry, but apparently our wittiness was WAY too much for AOL, and had to be divided.

first video. mercedes boy. pebbles. absolutely awful. pebbles is looking sexy and singing while some uber gay looking guy is dancing on a street corner. apparently for a ride in her mercedes, he is going to dance, badly. and it works, because at the end, she picks him up.

Lovecat713:  i am now watching what is possibly one of the worst videos i have ever seen on vh1 classic.
WingerMDW74:  hehehe. which one?
Lovecat713:  mercedes boy by pebbles.
WingerMDW74:  c'mon! don't you wanna ride in my mercedes boy? tell me what you wanna do!

next up. gas face by 3rd bass. the song is bad, but the video is good in a painful, silly, 80s way.

Lovecat713:  nowsome white rapper named 3rd bass.... with gilbert godfried, possibly THE most annoying man born in the last two hundred years, in the video.
WingerMDW74:  yeah. what the hell IS this?
Lovecat713:  oh, are you sharing with me?
Lovecat713:  this is a winner.
WingerMDW74:  once i heard pebbles was on, i HAD to turn over there!
Lovecat713:  THAT WAS FLAVOR FLAV!
WingerMDW74:  i think he's lost some street cred with me.
Lovecat713:  this song is evidently called gas face. at the beginning they sort of explained what a gas face was, but i couldn't understand them.
WingerMDW74:  so mercedes boy is worse than THIS?
WingerMDW74:  and what the heck did hammer do to THEM, anyway?
Lovecat713:  mercedes boy was REALLY bad! have you ever seen it?
Lovecat713:  maybe he hurt 'em.
WingerMDW74:  i think. back in the 80s!
WingerMDW74:  HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!
Lovecat713:  heeeeeeeeeeee
WingerMDW74:  i asked him nicely not to.
Lovecat713:  i was about to say! we asked him, please don't.

we were then presented with a video, the name and artist of which both of us missed. it did feature an entire gymnasium of african-american teenage girls apparently competing in a jumprope competition. that was the ENTIRE video. you couldn't even see anyone singing or anything.

Lovecat713:  what is this one? did you see?
WingerMDW74:  ok, what the hell is THIS?
Lovecat713:  HAHAHAHAHA
WingerMDW74:  you know, i love how this channel pulls all these incredibly obscure videos from out of nowhere.
Lovecat713:  was that malcolm mclaren?
WingerMDW74:  but sometimes it's not so good.
Lovecat713:  apparently he's a hgym teacher now.
WingerMDW74:  well, you gots to pay the bills.
Lovecat713:  trhat was totally sugar ray, wasn't it?
WingerMDW74:  i can't tell. i'm too mezmerized by the jumping.
WingerMDW74:  wait a minute, i think i saw a white guy!
Lovecat713:  malcolm mclaren!
WingerMDW74:  you're right!
Lovecat713:  OH
Lovecat713:  MY
Lovecat713:  FUCKING
Lovecat713:  GOD
WingerMDW74:  hehehehehehehehe
Lovecat713:  i only saw him briefly!
Lovecat713:  and i was SO kidding!
Lovecat713:  based solely on the hair!
Lovecat713:  AHAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAH
WingerMDW74:  you only THOUGHT you were kidding!
Lovecat713:  i am laughing so hard!
Lovecat713:  color me SO IMPRESSED WITH MYSELF!
WingerMDW74:  you're just lucky someone was here to acknowledge it.
Lovecat713:  I SO KNOW!

my mom was on a roll today!

Lovecat713:  i'm never having children.
Shs52051:  why not?
Lovecat713:  i don't want any.
Lovecat713:  ever.
Shs52051:  wow, that's disappointing
Shs52051:  you'll just be a strange cat person the rest of your life
Lovecat713:  thanks mom.
Lovecat713:  always appreciate the support and words of encouragement.

.....

Shs52051:  then he has the nerve to act all elitist in the drugstore down in chichester last night
Shs52051:  when he acts like a whigger
Lovecat713:  okay, that term is not socially acceptable, ma, fyi.
Shs52051:  i told him to finish school and go to college...oh i know the term is wrong but so is his attitude and he wears clothes like he just escaped from chester high
Shs52051:  where he would get eaten ALIVE
Shs52051:  little white boy
Lovecat713:  HAHAHAHAHA
Lovecat713:  red-haired white boy!
Shs52051:  casper!

.....

 Lovecat713:  SCOTT JUST TOLD ME THE FUNNIEST STORY EVER.
Shs52051:  drew just came in and asked what i was doing and then left because i am occupying HIS "crib"
Lovecat713:  these two soldiers of his, creech and musset, were supposed to go to this other girl soldier, mock's, house for some reason, to pick something up.
Lovecat713:  and mock wasn't going to be there, so her husband told her to tell them if he wasn't there, to come in, make themselves comfortable, and he'd be back shortly.
Shs52051:  you sound like you are talking about weasals or wolverines or somethin
Lovecat713:  so they got there, no husband. they go in, get some beers from the fridge, sit down, and start watching tv.
Lovecat713:  pretty soon, the owner comes home.... and it's not mock's husband. THEY WERE AT THE WRONG HOUSE.
Shs52051:  man, they weren't in the wrong house were they?
Shs52051:  OH NO!!!!!!!
Lovecat713:  OH YES!!!!!!!
Lovecat713:  and these are pretty rough guys!
Shs52051:  like that commercial where the guy bashes the window of someone else's car
Lovecat713:  scott said creech was probably already drunk!
Shs52051:  jeez!
Lovecat713:  they wer eluckily able to talk themselves out of it before guns or cops got involved.
Shs52051:  what did the guy do?  and why was HIS house open?  do they leave things unlocked out there?
Shs52051:  just buying new beer should have solved the prob
Lovecat713:  they must have been in a nice neighborhood or something. i think the guy was like, "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING SITTING IN MY LIVING ROOM DRINKING MY BEER?!?!"
Shs52051:  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Shs52051:  i would ask the same thing...indignantly!!!

.....

Shs52051:  i love your snowman's mouth
Lovecat713:  he's a happy guy.
Lovecat713:  he loves you too.
Lovecat713:  see - kiss.
Shs52051:  he' seems to be a real mouth breather however
Lovecat713:  you try breathing through a carrot.
Lovecat713:  let me know how that works out for you.
Shs52051:  heeeee
Lovecat713:  HAHAHAHAHA
Shs52051:  i have a code in my nodes!

yay day.

today is starting off pretty shitty. i first got an e-mail that made me cry, and then in the middle of my shower, the water turned cold. nonetheless, here are a couple amusing anecdotes.

a few minutes ago, i answered the phone here at work and said, "law office of timothy williams." the woman on the other end said, "oui, bonjour, (and then some rapid fire french i didn't understand)." i was like, "uh, i'm sorry. i speak very little french..." tim was right behind me and YELLED, "THEY KEEP CALLING HERE!" and she said, "uh, okay," and hung up. it was classic.

then gretchen passed this gem on to me:

it's my birthday it's my birthday says:

so listen to this.

it's my birthday it's my birthday says:
our room phone rings, usually only jr or jd calls the room phone. i answer, its a girl. shes like hey gretchen, you want to go to dinner?

it's my birthday it's my birthday says:
and i was like uhhhhhhh

it's my birthday it's my birthday says:
ok, let me check something real quick. i covered the receiver and was like phoebe, someone just asked me to dinner and i have no idea who it is.

they're conducting an investigation! you can't come out of the closet for THAT?!? says:
heeeeeeeeeee

it's my birthday it's my birthday says:
so i get back on the phone and i was like, ill ask jr what our plans are and then give you a call back. do i have your number? and the girl was like uh, i dont know. she gavev it to me, i hung up, ,and phoebe shouted

it's my birthday it's my birthday says:

YOU JUST MADE DINNER PLANS WITH SOMEONE YOUDONT KNOW

and the spaceship lands.

got this e-mail today to one of my not-often-used screen names:

Subj:    mitchell?   
Date:    11/27/2004 6:31:03 AM Eastern Standard Time   
From:    <styxfreak@VINEGAG.COM>   
To:    <kate*****@aol.com>


Hello,

I was told you might be able to help me? I'm looking for a good trans_universal transportation unit. Do you have the Mccoy 47090g watch or similar newer models available?
I also need other items you may or may not have available. Please send a (separate) email to me at: support@yirepope.com if available and let me know your terms on doing business.

Thank you
Paul

naturally i forwarded Paul's perfectly normal request to Scott, Kris, and Gret. Kris suggested i reply and let Paul know that we were actually OUT of the transuniversal transportation units because lots of people were looking to go to mars this christmas. she also scolded me for keeping my "intergalatic" adventures from her.

you wake up and you feel that your life has no purpose. you realize that life is pathetically, paralyzingly short, and no matter what you do, no matter what actions you take, in the long run, they have absolutely no effect at all. you know that there are people who claim to love and need you, but that if you were to die, you would fade out of their memories like the sun in the winter sky, getting dimmer and farther away until you were nothing but a word on a page in a boring chapter in the book of their lives. you look ahead at the emptiness that is not just the day, but the next week, the next month, the next fifty years of your life. you know there is nothing you can do to change anything, nothing you can do to fill these endless days stretching out before you, nothing in your life with which to color that canvas.

some people worry about you and some have stopped worrying, knowing this is you, this is your emptiness, your cross to bear. they ask how you are and you stiffen, not wanting to say, because "depressed" has become such a stale answer. you blindly plod through your day, seeking  meaning in something, in someone, looking for a hand that can pull you from the hole you're rapidly sinking into, and at the same time, you know that no one can pull you out. you can only pull them in. or make them run away.

so you isolate yourself. take your phone off the hook. put your messengers on away. turn off all the lights. try to imagine what it would be like to be dead. sometimes people try to contact you. sometimes they don't. it's better when they don't because it confirms your worst fears, that you really mean nothing to anyone, that you're just a blemish on their lives, and they would be better off without you. and that lends credence to the idea of suicide, that you're a burden to yourself and everyone whose life you touch, like the plague. so now you sit and dream, in the dark, of suicide, of how easy it could be, of how the emptiness would be erased, how the pain of feeling alone and misunderstood could leak out the wounds in your arms with your blood. you lie there and you narrate suicide notes to yourself as you cry, one line for each person who might give a shit. dear mom, i'm sorry. i love you. i just couldn't live this way anymore. i just couldn't keep being a disappointment. and you know that when you die there will be a smile on your face because this will all be over, no more nights like this.

when you finally try to sleep, it won't come, because you keep crying, thinking of the people you're pushing away, knowing you can't help it. and so you sing to yourself, something like the cure, like, "remember i was always true, remember that i always tried, remember i loved only you, remember me and smile. cause it's better to forget, than to remember me and cry." and the stupidity of it all almost makes you laugh, laugh at how pathetic you've become, how you're alone because you're intolerable to anyone you could possibly call when you're in this state. and how sad and stupid it is that you push people away because you want them to push back in, you need the validation of their affection and their attention, you need them to insist they see you, to call you until you answer, and that in spite of your protests, it's the only thing that can give your life the tiniest spark of meaning.

before you finally fall asleep, all you can pray is that you don't wake up in the morning, that you just die in your sleep, so no one will be angry with you the way they would if you offed yourself. you sleep fitfully. and in the morning, you start again.

and that's what depression feels like. that's how it eats away your mind.

the correct way to try to pick up a married woman online.

Beachfun796:  Hi there how are you?  I saw your profile and your pics and wanted to say that you are very attractive
Lovecat713:  thanks.
Beachfun796:  Can I ask what you do?
Lovecat713:  i'm a legal assistant.
Beachfun796:  I sent my pic in case you wanted to see who you are talking to
Lovecat713:  thanks.
Beachfun796:  Are you single?
Lovecat713:  no, i am married.
Beachfun796:  Oh, I am sorry.  That was pretty rude of me
Lovecat713:  that's all right.
Beachfun796:  Take care.  I still think you are very hot.  Bye
Lovecat713:  hahaha, well, thank you. you take care too. cheers.