So today, I'm in Target. And I'm all annoyed. No real reason. Just am. So I'm looking and greeting cards, and this woman comes down the aisle. TRIP. TRAP. TRIP. TRAP. TRIP. TRAP. Like the goddamned Billy Goats Gruff. She has on dress clothes, and high heels, but she has the ankle straps on the high heels undone and is wearing them basically like flip flops, letting them slap against her foot and the floor with each step. Now don't get me wrong. I understand high heels can be horribly uncomfortable. The fact remains that I was annoyed and listening to her trip trap all over the damned place literally made me want to turn around and say, "Oh, it looks like you forgot to buckle your shoes! Please, let me do it for you!"
So then this lady goes by with her kid, who is maybe two max, in her cart. And the kid is CLEARLY having a tantrum. And the woman is saying, in a very calm, sedated voice, "Hmm? What is it?" Okay, lady! Hello! Your kid is making my bad mood even worse, and whatever it is you're on, I'd like some! So I muttered, "Thank GOD I don't have kids," to myself, thought of Caitlin, and moved over to the 50% off clearance seasonal aisle.
I went down one aisle and turned into the next. There stood two, shall we say, AMPLE women, with carts with kids in them. They were discussing the 50% off merchandise with their carts perfectly staggered so there was NO way any human being wider than a sheet of paper could get through. One lady, the one farther from me, had left her child seated in the cart, and he was yelling, "Don't touch! Don't touch! Don't touch!" The child was FILTHY. Short of Pigpen, I have literally NEVER IN MY LIFE seen a child this incredibly dirty. Every inch of him was covered in dirt. It looked like he had spent the day playing in a pile of dirt, and then taken a bath in a mud puddle.
The lady finally took her eyes off some tiki doll things she was showing her friend long enough to note that I was standing there patiently, waiting to get through. To be honest, I don't know how long I was standing there, because I was mesmerized by Don't Touch, the Dirt-Covered Boy. So she looked at me, very apologetically, and steered her cart to one side, apologizing. She then turned to Don't Touch and said, "Don't grab her as she walks by!" She turned back to me and said, "He has a grabbing problem." Okay, honestly, there are probably a lot of people I wouldn't want grabbing me. But definitely, definitely, a filthy child chanting "don't touch don't touch" over and over again ranks right up near the top of the list. I smiled back at her, but when I went past I made sure to keep a close eye on him, and kind of slunk by as close to the other side of the aisle as I could.
All of this brings me to Caitlin, who works at Target, and comes home exhausted after so much as a four-hour shift. And I think now, honestly, we can all really appreciate why.
