you know you want to.

http://groups.myspace.com/mozzer

join the morrissey and cheese club!

Estella1876:  bigmouth strikes again is actually playing with no crapping out
Estella1876:  i am sooo happy
Lovecat713:  YAY MORRISSEY!!!!!!!!!!!
Estella1876:  i know i have listened to more moz since i put him on my personal launchcast station than I ever have
Estella1876:  im fallign for him dammit
Estella1876:  he is one of the top 5 male voices ever to me
Lovecat713:  YAY!!!!!!!!!!!
Lovecat713:  okay. do you like cheese?
Estella1876:  i live for cheese
Lovecat713:  1. you are SO joining my morrissey and cheese club.
Lovecat713:  2. read my journal entry from last night.
Estella1876:  oh you have a morrisey and cheese club?
Lovecat713:  i do now, VICE PRESIDENT!

HAIRDRESSER ON FIRE

okay, yes. i had a dream i was best friends with Morrissey. and it was the best fucking dream of my life, believe it.

Lovecat713:  i am becoming more and more obsessed with moz.
WingerMDW74:  hmmmmm.
WingerMDW74:  does he know?
Lovecat713:  no, but he will soon.
Lovecat713:  he is now the target of my affection. i can only love morrissey.
Lovecat713:  morrissey and cheese.
WingerMDW74:  when he finds you outside in his shrubs?
Lovecat713:  yes.
Lovecat713:  only he'll probably call it foliage.
WingerMDW74:  i'm gonna call my new comic strip morrissey and cheese.
Lovecat713:  sweeeeeeeeeeet!!!! finally *I* get some shout outs!
WingerMDW74:  sounds like a 70s buddy cop show, kinda.
WingerMDW74:  you haven't gotten shout outs?
Lovecat713:  well.
Lovecat713:  annie's msn sn is current kate is great.
Lovecat713:  and some people like to publicly debride me without actually mentioning my name.
Lovecat713:  but other than that, not so much.
WingerMDW74:  that's a fair amount of fame, i'd say.
WingerMDW74:  and just imagine the headlines you're gonna get when they drag you away from moz's house in handcuffs!
Lovecat713:  hell yeah!
Lovecat713:  wait.
Lovecat713:  no.
Lovecat713:  morrissey would NEVER do that to me.
WingerMDW74:  once the authorities are involved, it's out of his hands.
Lovecat713:  nuh uh.
Lovecat713:  you choose if you want to have the person arrested.
Lovecat713:  or press charges.
Lovecat713:  and he will choose NO when he sees me.
Lovecat713:  and is instantly struck by our bond.
Lovecat713:  formed in my dream of a couple nights ago.

everything falls apart

so now i can see my ribs without inhaling. i never thought i'd wish for my appetite back. maybe i will starve to death.

i know people are reading this, even though i don't know who the majority of you are. so if you could please just say a really quick prayer for me, maybe it would help. just that i figure things out and do the right thing for me for a change. and that i find an apartment i can afford and either get a raise or get some more work. i don't know what else to do.

at least i still have david and my new friend john for funnyness.

Lovecat713:  this is my new online friend:
Lovecat713:   Lovecat713:  have you seen napoleon dynamite?
Exbenedict9:  heck yes I did
Lovecat713:  HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Lovecat713:  okay.
Lovecat713:  now we will run away together.
WingerMDW74:  wow.
WingerMDW74:  you never offered to run away with ME.
Lovecat713:  i'm sorry. he lives in houston, so it's actually an idle threat.
WingerMDW74:  hehehe. okay.
Lovecat713:  also, he makes music that sounds like jesus and mary chain.
WingerMDW74:  i feel better again.
WingerMDW74:  i make music that sounds somewhere between early depeche mode and kip's wedding song.
Lovecat713:  HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Lovecat713:  okay never mind. i choose you, pokemon!
WingerMDW74:  yay!
WingerMDW74:  but i really can't run away right now. i've got 10 more months on my lease. sorry.
Lovecat713:  man, i got quite a racket going here, offering to run away with guys!
WingerMDW74:  oh, i didn't realize it was a racket.
Lovecat713:  neither did i till just now!
Lovecat713:  it's okay, you're in first.
WingerMDW74:  cooool!
WingerMDW74:  but it's still just a racket, right?
Lovecat713:  you know this shit is going in my journal.
Lovecat713:  kinda like a badminton racket i guess.
WingerMDW74:  hmmm. i love the word badminton.
Lovecat713:  you and me both, and NOT just because it goes with the word shuttlecock, either.
WingerMDW74:  hehehehe. i forgot about THAT!
WingerMDW74:  but really, who names a game BADminton?
WingerMDW74:  talk about a self-esteem problem.
WingerMDW74:  hehehe... shuttlecock!
Lovecat713:  hahahahahaha

i am dying.

or maybe not. but i wish i was.

horrible.

why are people so horrible? why is it impossible to make yourself and the people you love happy at the same time? why do i continue to let the same people hurt me over and over again?

it seems like if you spend enough time thinking about suicide, it becomes like a tulip bulb in your head, always waiting for the right conditions to sprout fresh. and sometimes you can cut it before it flowers. but i imagine there comes a time when you can't.

KATE

Lovecat713:  gahhhhhhh
WingerMDW74:  hehehe. hang in there!
Lovecat713:  i am trying.
WingerMDW74:  just try to hang on to that attitude that is the kate we all know and love!
Lovecat713:  please, tell me what attitude that is.
WingerMDW74:  hehehe. you can't really put it into words.
Lovecat713:  hahahaha
WingerMDW74:  we simply call it..... kate!
Lovecat713:  the mystery that is.... kate.
WingerMDW74:  EXactly.

feeling better, yay!

well, feeling a little better today. no longer angry. or sad. very anxious, but that's a different story. i love my friends. i'm such a baby when i'm sick. but at least it's just when i'm sick. i can think of other people that are angry, cruel, vindictive, mean babies with no warning or catalyst at all. and i am glad i don't have to deal with those people anymore, cause really, who needs that sort of negative drama? i always hope for the best from people, but jesus, a person can only disappoint you SO many times before you realize s/he's just not a good person. yeesh.

sick.

i am sick. and possibly the only thing i hate MORE than being sick is being sick and alone, with no one to baby me or take care of me or worry over me or snuggle me or offer to do things for me. only ONE person has offered to do anything for me so far, and that is david. david is therefore my favorite person this week, and the rest of you can all go fuck yourselves.

me on the inside

this journal is degenerating....

this is a conversation that doesn't even involve me. it's between gretchen, my eighteen year old sister, and andrew, my fifteen year old brother. his responses are SO bizarre and off the wall that i am posting this here so that I can read it over and over and be amazed by his peculiarity.

gret: i hate parties so much
drew: y i love them
gret: college parties
drew: especially skate parties
drew: ok
gret: where people just get drunk
drew: yeah
drew: thats not how it is at skate parties
gret: and are horribly obnoxious, and you cant breathe cos there are so many people in the room
gret: hahaha
drew: yeah
gret: well all there are are college parties, there's nothing else to do here.
drew: skate parties are awesome
drew: all u do is skate and hang out
drew: and listen to music
gret: well i cant really have one of those.
drew: Y NOT!?
gret: DREW
gret: i don't skate and im not really friends with skaters, there arent many here anyway
drew: lol
drew: all my friends are are skaters
drew: and emoers
drew: u know the people that just sit around and pour there heart out to u
drew: and cry a lot...
drew: well im just dandy as a lion
drew: =-O
gret: WEIRDO
drew: o-m-g-!
gret: that made me laugh out loud
drew: that was amazing
drew: ok im sorry i impressed myself on that one

and the election approaches.....

on badnarik:

Lovecat713:  he's kinda cute too.
WingerMDW74:  that's not his slogan, is it?
Lovecat713:  "badnarik '04 - i'm kinda cute, why not?"
WingerMDW74:  hehehehe. i think voting should go by cuteness.
WingerMDW74:  in fact, just put the hotornot guys in charge of things.
WingerMDW74:  Do you want this person to be your congressman? () YES   () NO
Lovecat713:  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
WingerMDW74:  of course, the keywords will be most important.
Lovecat713:  well, if we're going by cuteness, john "gigantic noggin" kerry is in LAST place, in my book.
WingerMDW74:  i'm afraid you might be right.
Lovecat713:  though he does have pretty eyes....
WingerMDW74:  i can't go that far.
WingerMDW74:  you know, apparently bill o'reilly likes the phone sex.
Lovecat713:  the o'reilly factor: is phone sex cheating?
WingerMDW74:  not to mention it was apparently non-consentual phone sex.
Lovecat713:  what?
Lovecat713:  that's not phone sex then - that's an obscene phone call!
Lovecat713:  i am giggling.
WingerMDW74:  seriously. she said she felt 'forced' into having the phone call.
Lovecat713:  WEIRD!
Lovecat713:  JUST HANG UP, LADY.
Lovecat713:  not that difficult.
WingerMDW74:  she was probably afraid he would just call back and be more angry about it that time.
Lovecat713:  HAHAHAHAHA
Lovecat713:  PHONE RAPE!

www.badnarik.org

bubb rubb & lil sis

talking with my friend mike:

ThDvlsAdvoc8:  are you familiar with bubb rubb and lil sis?
Lovecat713:  no, but i certainly wish i was.
ThDvlsAdvoc8:  allow me to enlighten you.
ThDvlsAdvoc8:  http://2dorks.com/../../../video/bubb_rubb_newsclip.wmv

go to the link. don't read further, or you won't understand. you've been warned.

so i copy and paste it to david:

WingerMDW74:  i've said it before and i've said it again: young people are stupid.
WingerMDW74:  i'm gonna change my name to bubb rubb.
Lovecat713:  PLEASE DO.
WingerMDW74:  just for decoration, man.
Lovecat713:  because i need SOMEONE to explain to me WHY that is his name.
WingerMDW74:  i just wish i coulda been there when the reporter was getting that information.
Lovecat713:  ME TOO.
Lovecat713:  i wish you could have been the reporter.
Lovecat713:  because i KNOW you would have asked WHY that was his name!
WingerMDW74:  'remember, that's TWO b's'!
WingerMDW74:  ' the first name, or last?'
WingerMDW74:  'both!'
Lovecat713:  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Lovecat713:  actually.
Lovecat713:  three in the first name.
WingerMDW74:  oh yeah.
WingerMDW74:  i forgot.
Lovecat713:  good old bubb.
Lovecat713:  that's what they'll say about you.
Lovecat713:  good old bubb.
Lovecat713:  now there's a man you can count on.
WingerMDW74:  an i'll just say, WOOOOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

those crazy english.

apparently, julian thinks peanut butter and chocolate together, or peanut butter as a dessert food in general, is disgusting. and this is not the first time i have come across this opinion out of people from england. i related his distaste to annie, and her response was, "well, i'm disgusted by the english, frankly. beans do not go with eggs."

that's right. don't insult the reese's, or we'll take you DOWN.

politics and family DON'T MIX!

well, at least not my politics and my family. for those of you unfamiliar with AOL, you can have a buddy icon that's called a superbuddy. when you type certain catch phrases (lol, rofl, <g>, etc), it will act out these phrases. it will also enact emoticons you type in.

anyhow, conversation with my sister follows. also, for those of you who have not seen Young Adam with Ewan McGregor, DON'T. the 2 hours of torture is NOT worth the ten seconds of flaccid Ewan penis, no matter WHAT my sister might think.

 Lovecat713:  why is dumbya your superbuddy? why? why? WHY?
KEStiteler:  cause i love him!
Lovecat713:  he looks sad that i called him dumbya.
KEStiteler:  im going to the zoo on friday
KEStiteler:  i cant wait!
KEStiteler:  this will be my first zoo date EVER
Lovecat713:  did you think of that cause dumbya looks like a monkey?
KEStiteler:  no
KEStiteler:  cause i cant WAIT!!!!!!
KEStiteler:  :(
Lovecat713:  what?
KEStiteler:  :(
KEStiteler:  whats W saying?
Lovecat713:  i don'r know, i have my IM sounds off.
KEStiteler:  :(
KEStiteler:  perhaps its 3rd world
KEStiteler:  :D
Lovecat713:  he's saying, "say good bye to your loved ones. i'm sending them all off to be killed at war."
KEStiteler:  did scott get killed??
KEStiteler:  NO
Lovecat713:  then when he smiles he says, "ignorance is bliss!"
KEStiteler:  :P
KEStiteler:  awww
KEStiteler:  w rasperries
KEStiteler:  the liberitarians arent going to win
Lovecat713:  ya think?
Lovecat713:  they don't even involve them in the "presidential" debates.
Lovecat713:  what a fucking joke.
KEStiteler:  they needed to start WAY before they did to get going
KEStiteler:  unfortunately, theres still only 2 choices
KEStiteler:  and guess what?  kerry isnt mine
Lovecat713:  my choice is michael badnarek.
KEStiteler:  oh yeah
Lovecat713:  and i don't give a fuzzy fuck if he doesn't win.
KEStiteler:  he rocks
KEStiteler:  ive never heard of him
Lovecat713:  because if i vote for one of the other two, i gotta live with my decision for the next four years.
Lovecat713:  he's the libertarian candidate.
KEStiteler:  my choice is ewan mcgregors penis
KEStiteler:  and ive never even seen it!
Lovecat713:  if it was on the ballot, i'd spit on it, because it made such a horrible movie.
KEStiteler:  if it ran for president, i would vote for it.  but unfortunately, it isnt US born, so it doesnt have a chance
KEStiteler:  yeah spit on it and rub it
KEStiteler:  hahahah
Lovecat713:   Badnarik/Campagna '04 for President

"shut the fuck up, bitch." - julian

okay, i really like cheese. a lot. conversation between gretchen and i on msn:

kate says:

i don't know why i did it... to be fair, i was unwrapping cheese at the same time.

gretchen says:

you have a cheese problem.

my friend david's response to gretchen's observation:

  WingerMDW74:  i was gonna say something, but i felt that was a family issue.
Lovecat713:  HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
WingerMDW74:  i mean, you're eating OTHER cheeses now.
WingerMDW74:  you're no longer just stopping at one.
Lovecat713:  i truly love cheese.
Lovecat713:  no one can take that away from me.
WingerMDW74:  hmmmm.
WingerMDW74:  time for the intervention.
WingerMDW74:  where we go around the room and each say how your cheese problem has affected us.
Lovecat713:  how has it affected you?
WingerMDW74:  i don't know yet. fortunately i'll have a few days at least to come up with something.
Lovecat713:  i'm back to the comte now.
WingerMDW74:  either that, or i'll just take what someone else says and rephrase it.
Lovecat713:  no way. this is my intervention, and you're going FIRST.
WingerMDW74:  wait a minute! you don't get to run the intervention!
WingerMDW74:  that's not how it works!
Lovecat713:  I RUN THE INTERVENTION.
WingerMDW74:  okay. but you're not in charge of snacks.
WingerMDW74:  god forbid there be a cheese plate that undermines the whole thing.
Lovecat713:  cheese for one, cheese for all!

dancing, dancing, DANCING - i'm a dancing machine!

so apparently i've found the secret to making men fall all over themselves to talk to you, and that secret is knee-high patent leather boots with huge, clunky ass soles that make you 6'3". i thought it was only fair to share this with those of you who faithfully read my journal, even though i have no idea who you are.

that is all.

eyeballzzzzzzzzzz

my eyeballs are fine. thank you to those of you who have asked, and fuck you to those who haven't.

julian took me and was ultra supportive and wonderful. they gave me a valium and a demerol. then the woman put some drops in my eyes and said, "um, you seem a little jumpy. can i give you another valium?" i said. "hell yeah, nursey! dope me up!" so then like ten minutes later, before ANY of the drugs had kicked in, i went into surgery.

they put this clamp thing on my right eyelid, which sounds like it would hurt, but it didn't. then they used this horrible thing, i don't know what the HELL it was, to vibrate my eyeball and keep it still. that took like ten seconds. then they used a scalpel to cut a flap. then they used a laser to burn away the excess tissue, which smelled like HELLLLL. they they removed the clamp and did the same thing on the other eye. the whole thing took about five minutes. then i got to leave. by the time we got to the car, the drugs were finally working, and i was dizzy and stumbly and mumbly and affectionate. julian took me home and felt badly for leaving me, but had to go back to work. i fell asleep almost immediately. i had to wake up every half an hour to put in drops, but i was so doped up that i'd then fall IMMEDIATELY back asleep. i slept most of yesterday and the whole night.

by this morning, my left eye was KILLING me, the way it feels if you get an eyelash caught under your contact lens. i went in for my follow up, and they told me it was just some swelling, a little more than typical, but not abnormal. they gave me some heavier duty steroid drops for my eyes, and i went back home, called my boss to tell him i might be late, and went immediately back to sleep.

so now my eyes are kinda dry and irritable, but not painful anymore. i am continuing with the antibiotic and steroid drops and the artificial tears. and i can see as clearly as i can with contacts (other than the dry-eye blurriness).

YAY LASIK! YAY JULIAN! YAY ME!

i'm mr brightside

if, for an instant, for a millisecond, you EVER wonder why i am the way i am, let me relate this to you.

my mother has CONVINCED herself that mt st helens is going to blow WHILST i'm getting my eyes done, therefore causing tremors that are going to shake the entire state of washington, apparently, and cause my eye operation to go horribly awry.

sigh.

ah, how my friends adore me.

online love from annie, while she is hard at work at 2:30AM....

 Delic8 Flower 75:  i think that it's fairly evident how friggin' bored i am, since i'm IM-ing you, fully knowing that you are fast asleep.
Delic8 Flower 75:  i wrote you a poem.
Delic8 Flower 75:  roses are red,
Delic8 Flower 75:  violets are blue,
Delic8 Flower 75:  you are sleeping, so kiss my ass.
Delic8 Flower 75:  hahahaa
Delic8 Flower 75:  (sigh).... and it doesn't even rhyme. that's the best part.

against my better judgment....

okay, i know i SO SHOULDN'T, but this is too funny not to post. and the interested party most likely will NEVER see it. nonetheless, names have been changed.

Lovecat713:  s/he just... can't let it die.
Lovecat713:  JUST LET IT DIE, <NAME>.
(Friend):  your relationship is like jason. or chucky.
(Friend):  you THINK it's dead. you cut off all the arms and legs and head.
Lovecat713:  <name> could be a horror movie. s/he could.
(Friend):  stakes through the heart.
(Friend):  all that good stuff.
(Friend):  but it STILL finds a way to hobble on up.
Lovecat713:  and continue to destroy.

I wear Black on the outside, 'Cause Black is how I feel on the inside...

I know I'm unloveable
You don't have to tell me
Oh, message received
Loud and clear

Unloveable - The Smiths

Okay, so I know it's hard to believe I am happy when I'm quoting "Unloveable" by the Smiths, but really, I am.

Sometimes you have to do things for yourself that aren't pleasant, and that piss other people off, but that you know, in the end, are the right thing to do. Because if you don't do them, you will keep getting beat up over and over by people who don't seem to care about how their actions affect anyone else but themselves. And in my new spirit of motivation, I am going to continue to do things that benefit ME, for a change. I am going to do what I want to do, and if someone treats me like shit, then they can just piss off.

On a COMPLETELY different tangent. Julian calls the cats my "familiars", and last night, lying in bed, suddenly I started to see how each of them reflected a different facet of my personality. Scooter is standoffish, stressed, and prissy, expecting to be treated like a prince. Piglet is tough, pushy, and selfish. Sid is independent, yet also intensely attached to me, and only me. Oliver is in his own little world. Sebastian is a snuggler, 100% of the time. Unless he's running around insanely. The thing is, all of them are incredibly loving, loyal, and involved with one another. Like me.

So maybe they are my familiars. Also, less than two days to LASIK. EEP!