from some girl's myspace profile (no, this isn't a joke):

  sylvia's Blurbs About me:
I am the nicest person ever until you get on my bad side! Shit doesn't get anybetter that this, I have the greatest boyfriend the bestest best friends ever! Like normal people I hate my job is suck big long green slimy donkey dick. ( not like I would know from exp or anything but just something to give you a mental note. ) I have no kids thank god I just have 2 of the cuttest cats, 2 rabbits and 1 snake that I wouldn't mind getting rid of. I Would have more animals but they cant seem to stay alive for long periods of time. Whom I'd like to meet:
jo momma

 Lovecat713:  david, i have to be honest with you.
Lovecat713:  people who don't watch tv, or say they don't watch tv, or don't own TVs...
Lovecat713:  they really freak me out.
WingerMDW74:  i HATE those people!!
Lovecat713:  i feel there is no POSSIBLE way i could have anything in common with them.
Lovecat713:  ME TOO.
Lovecat713:  seriously if someone says they don't have a tv i am immediately over it.
WingerMDW74:  what's even worse is the people who say they don't watch tv and are lying about it!
WingerMDW74:  i once met someone who said she never watches tv. we then had a 45 minute discussion about alias.
WingerMDW74:  apparently downloading shows of the internet doesn't count as watching tv.
Lovecat713:  oh JESUS.
Lovecat713:  give me a goddamned break.
Lovecat713:  not watching tv does not make you more cultured or active in my opinion.
Lovecat713:  it makes you lame and gives me 25% less to discuss with you.
WingerMDW74:  true!
WingerMDW74:  i know people who read lots and lots of books, AND watch the apprentice!
Lovecat713:  that's julian.
Lovecat713:  okay.
Lovecat713:  read this girl's about me.
Lovecat713:  http://profiles.myspace.com/users/22076265
WingerMDW74:  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Lovecat713:  eeeeeheeheheee
WingerMDW74:  i was wondering what part was supposed to be the 'punch line', but it just kept going!!
Lovecat713:  "just to give you a mental note"?
Lovecat713:  honey, i am pretty sure you mean mental IMAGE.
WingerMDW74:  hehehe. yes, thanks for that! it' in my brain now!
WingerMDW74:  hehehehehehe
WingerMDW74:  she doesn't have any kids thank god!
Lovecat713:  I'LL say!
Lovecat713:  since she evidently has a hard time keeping animals alive!
WingerMDW74:  cause you know, short-lived animals may be one thing, but when the kids start dropping the authorities start snooping around!
Lovecat713:  heeeeeeeeeeheeheeheheee
WingerMDW74:  i just noticed she has a snake she 'wouldn't mind getting rid of'.
Lovecat713:  HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA
Lovecat713:  i am sure it will drop.
Lovecat713:  just like all the rest.
WingerMDW74:  i'm sure she said the same thing about her pet hamsters!
WingerMDW74:  man, this profile is just chock full of snickering goodness!
Lovecat713:  heeeeheeheeheeee
WingerMDW74:  i iiked the headline, myself.
Lovecat713:  "Grrrrrrrrr!! (in a sexy kind of way)" 
WingerMDW74:  at first, it was just Grrrrrr!! but it made people standoffish.
Lovecat713:  she didn't want you to think, "Grrrrrrr!! and now i will kill you just like i kill all the animals i purchase and then decide are too much work!"
WingerMDW74:  hehehehehe
WingerMDW74:  and correct me if i'm wrong, but isn't the 'sexy' growl spelled 'rawr!' ?
Lovecat713:  HAHAHAHAHA
WingerMDW74:  grrrrr! just sounds like a grizzly bear.
Lovecat713:  i have never actually made OR spelled a sexy growl.
Lovecat713:  all i have ever done is like, "grrr, where the hell is my damned watch?"
WingerMDW74:  hmmm... decidedly NOT sexy! hehehe
Lovecat713:  PREcisely.
WingerMDW74:  i wonder what her job is.
Lovecat713:  i dunno, but i can tell you ONE thing.
WingerMDW74:  and that is?
Lovecat713:  is suck big long green slimy donkey dick

woohoo! kegger!

Lovecat713:  let me relate a funny story to you.
Lovecat713:  i had the munchies a couple weeks ago.
Lovecat713:  so i walked to 7-11 and picked up a few bags of chips, for variety.
Lovecat713:  then i walked to subway to get a sandwich, so i would eat something real first.
Lovecat713:  and the kid who waited on me asked, "what's with all the chips?"
Lovecat713:  and rather thansaying, "i've got the munchies, OKAY?"
Lovecat713:  i said, "i'm having a party."
Lovecat713:  i am giggling already, for some reason. in retrospect, it seems ridiculous, i guess.
WingerMDW74:  hehehe
Lovecat713:  at any rate, he asked - "a get together, or a college kegger?"
WingerMDW74:  there was really no rational reason for that lie.
WingerMDW74:  hehehehehehehe
Lovecat713:  i was like, "uh, i'm 27."
Lovecat713:  he said, "oh... well, you're never too old for a kegger."
WingerMDW74:  so true!
Lovecat713:  i just answered the phone and am stifling laughter!
WingerMDW74:  hehe. i hope it's not bad news!
Lovecat713:  okay, done. for some reason, my already giggly state, combined with "so true!" just set me off!
WingerMDW74:  hehehe
WingerMDW74:  he didn't try to invite himself over did he?
Lovecat713:  no but i was SERIOUSLY waiting for that!
WingerMDW74:  'uh, you know, i get off at, uh, nine.'
Lovecat713:  TOTALLY.
WingerMDW74:  imagine his disappointment when he shows up with a keg, to find only you and a bunch of empty bags of chips.
Lovecat713:  HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA
Lovecat713:  THIS little beauty's going in my blog!
WingerMDW74:  woohoo!

the grammar apple doesn't fall far from the grammar tree

from gretchen - she is pot is for jerks:

smartypants7979: are u a robot?
pot is for jerks: hahaha, yes, i am.
smartypants7979: oh
smartypants7979: wut else do u noe to say?
pot is for jerks: i know how to correct your spelling.
pot is for jerks: and grammar.
pot is for jerks: i can do it all.
smartypants7979: oh, correct it
pot is for jerks: "what else do you know how to say?" or "what else can you say?"
pot is for jerks: will that be all?
smartypants7979: i dun noe u
smartypants7979: coreect that
pot is for jerks: "i don't know you."
pot is for jerks: "correct that."
smartypants7979: You are a fucking bitch
smartypants7979: correct that
pot is for jerks: that sentence was grammatically correct. the first one of the conversation! congratulations, you're not entirely illiterate!
smartypants7979: well try this.

and then gretchen blocked him/her/it. feeling cheated by the abrupt end of this exchange, i decided to take matters into my own hands:

 Lovecat713:  hello. i am the sister robot of the grammar robot you talked to earlier.
Lovecat713:  i am also a fucking bitch.
smartypants7979:  really?
Lovecat713:  yes.
smartypants7979:  I love bitches
smartypants7979:  r u  a slut?
Lovecat713:  no, just a grammar bitch.
smartypants7979:  oh
smartypants7979:  u r a robot too?
Lovecat713:  yes. i am.
smartypants7979:  robot bitch
Lovecat713:  i prefer "robobitch," but okay.
smartypants7979:  press Alt and F4
Lovecat713:  i'm sorry, i don't follow commands.
smartypants7979:  u r scared
Lovecat713:  robots don't have feelings.
smartypants7979:  then robots r stupid
Lovecat713:  robots cannot be stupid or smart. they're machines.
smartypants7979:  those  machine are stupid because i said so
Lovecat713:  interesting. if you say the sky is green, is that also so because you said so?
smartypants7979:  i dun like green
smartypants7979:  i like black
Lovecat713:  i see.
smartypants7979:  so get it right
Lovecat713:  i never suggested you liked green, nor did i suggest you didn't like green.
Lovecat713:  i merely asked a hypothetical question.
smartypants7979:  i didn't say that u said that
Lovecat713:  well, in spite of your lack of correct punctuation, your statement "so get it right" implies that i got something wrong.
smartypants7979:  well u did
smartypants7979:  now fuck off bitch, u type slow
Lovecat713:  yes? and what was it i got wrong?
Lovecat713:  interesting. insults are very mature and intelligent.
Lovecat713:  please, give me more.
smartypants7979:  shut up
smartypants7979:  u r bothering me
Lovecat713:  and it would seem to me that i, in fact, type much more quickly (that's an adverb) than you do.
Lovecat713:  really? you didn't seem to have any problem with bothering my sister. does talking to people who are more intelligent than you are bother you?
smartypants7979:  i m not gonna answer u now cuz u r ignorant, u can keep on talking talking talking, i m just gonna ignor ig nor ignor
Lovecat713:  oh, i'm ignorant? that's interesting.
Lovecat713:  you clearly don't know what the correct definition of that word is.
Lovecat713:  being ignored doesn't bother me.

another abrupt ending! damn it! but i would say that my conversation leaves the score robot grammar sisters 2, moron of indeterminate gender 0.

EXTRA BONUS CHAPTER! kris came online, so we had HER message the person too.

KEStiteler:  guess what!
smartypants7979:  who r u
KEStiteler:  i am the third and final sister / robobitch.
smartypants7979:  i dun care, now fuck off
KEStiteler:  dun? is that anything like "don't?" or "done"?

and then It went silent, for the last time.

Oh K Mart.

Lovecat713:  oh my god, THIS IS HYSTERICAL.
Lovecat713:  i just looked something up on dictionary.com.
Lovecat713:  and the ad on the page is from KMart.
Lovecat713:  and it says:
Lovecat713:  Reward Extraordinary People in Your School
Lovecat713:  Class Acts Context
Lovecat713:  Enter Now!
Lovecat713:  and i was like, class acts context? what the hell does THAT mean? they can't possibly mean contest... can they?
Lovecat713:  so i click on the ad.
Lovecat713:  yep. class acts CONTEST.
WingerMDW74:  hehehe
Lovecat713:  the ad is misspelled - on the dictionary.com website!
WingerMDW74:  obviously, they should have used dictionary.com to proofread the ad for their education contest.
Lovecat713:  oh god, so sad. it's just so sad in SO many ways!
WingerMDW74:  sad AND funny!
Lovecat713:  eeeeeeeheeheeheee

strangely accurate...

Kate was
a Famous Model
in a past life.

Discover your past lives @ Quiz Me

at least she didn't use "masturbate"

RachelEZone:  i love my kate
RachelEZone:  she's great
Lovecat713:  i love my rach
Lovecat713:  but nothing rhymes with that
RachelEZone:  i know
RachelEZone:  so sad that i can't rhyme my name
Lovecat713:  i'll try to think of something.
RachelEZone:  i love my kate
she is great
bring her out on a date
to skate
and she'll be your mate
but don't make her wait
or she'll be full of hate
cause she'll be late
to meet you at the gate
Lovecat713:  good call! and the late part is really true!